THE BLOG

You Were Never, “just”, a Mom.

4/29/2025

Each mom reading this has a story. Each one of us started out like most. A little girl who dreamed of becoming a mom one day. When we grew up, I don’t think we could have predicted how motherhood would come to us or how much it would change us.  No one tells you about how, somewhere between the sleepless nights of infancy and preparing to send your babies to preschool, we get swept away by the momentum of motherhood. It happens so fast, one day we’re picking out lingerie for our wedding night and the next we look up and realize we’ve spent the last 5, erm…10… years in granny panties. How did that happen, and when did I become my mother?? 

If this is the case for you, you’re not alone, mama. And if it’s not you and you’ve somehow been able to wear underwear that doesn’t show lines through your leggings even after pregnancy, bless your heart. 

My point is that somewhere along the line, we all lose ourselves in motherhood. We lose our spark and our wonder; we forget who we are, aside from being a mom. We dread having to introduce ourselves to a group because we don’t know a “fun fact” about ourselves anymore. My go-to is always “I have 5 kids” because it always shocks people, and I get a good laugh out of their facial expressions. 

The more I’ve thought about it, the more I realize that the enemy is using that thought of “who am I?” to get us and keep us stuck in a pit. That line of questioning about who we are just boils down to us, as moms, believing that we aren’t doing enough, or being enough for ourselves or our kids. It is  a trap that cages us into a scarcity mindset, always wanting for more instead of fully occupying our God given space. 

Society and social media today will tell you that it’s not enough to be “just” a mom. You have to have your own life, and me time, all while keeping a social media influencer-worthy home. They say, you can’t just stay home, you have to have the boss babe career so that you can drive THE SUV (definitely not a minivan). They say, you can have it all, including but not limited to: a killer body 6 weeks after childbirth, a daily skincare routine, and on-trend designer clothes…  Don’t get me wrong, none of those things are bad in and of themselves, but if we’re focused on the things we don’t have instead of what’s right in front of us, we’ll never be fully content in the role God has placed us in. It’s the envy and greed that can grow in our hearts and lead to bitterness and self-deprecation that we’ve got to be aware of. 

We’ve all heard by now, “comparison is the thief of all joy,” and it’s true! But if you’re like me, and I know I am, you probably don’t even realize you’re comparing your life to others. It's subtle and sneaks in almost undetectably. You see a friend thriving in her business, and there’s a twinge of jealousy. Your spouse goes to work while you stay home with the kids, and although you chose this life, you equate his working to him having more of a social life than you, SO not fair… You’re scrolling social media and see the “for you” section. Moms that seem to be balancing: homeschool, a job, influencing, marriage, meal planning, and sourdough baking. There it is again, those green colored glasses skewing your view of what motherhood should look like. And if we’re not careful, those little twinges will turn into a full-blown, mid-life identity crisis. 

How do we avoid the trap? There are a few things that come to mind.

First, when you’re struggling to find your identity in the middle of motherhood, the number-one, best way to rediscover who you are is to reconnect with the one who made you. He knit you together in your mother's womb. He created you with interests, and passions, and stories that are all your own. HE knows us best and can be trusted to remind us who we are in Him. John 15:5 says that apart from Him, we can do nothing. But if we REMAIN in Him, in his word and through conversations with Him, He promises to remain in us. This is one area that I have felt a little Holy Spirit conviction in this year. It’s one thing to tell people to start believing the truth of who God says we are, it’s another to believe it myself. By making my first priority every day to abide in Him, I’m finally making progress in this area. Set the priority, start with a short prayer and one verse or a devotional, and trust the process. The fruits of the spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control) come as a result of being connected to the True Vine. I promise you, you’ll see results. Just like we don’t get fit by working out once or eating a single carrot stick. Abiding in Jesus is an everyday discipline that grows into an everyday craving, that eventually produces lasting change. 

Second, reframe your mind. Instead of salivating over what you don’t currently have, focus on what you do. What things bring you the most joy? Dance parties? Painting? 80s hair bands? Rediscover those long-lost loves and incorporate them into your parenting. The idea that more is caught than taught isn’t something someone said somewhere. It’s backed by research. When you choose to grab a spatula and turn it into a microphone while making dinner as you belt out the chorus to Alone by Heart. Your kids will see the fun you created while doing the otherwise mundane mom tasks. Then, they grow up and take that fun with them into their “mundane” routines. (disclaimer: if you take my advice and song choice mentioned above, in front of your husband, he will get ideas. I am not held liable for any.. additions… made as a result of your solo serenade whilst dinner making.)  In our house, whenever we clean, we turn up worship music. Like, really, really loud. My husband started doing this first, and then I followed his example. Now, when my kids have to clean their rooms, you can hear their worship music playing throughout the house, too. Another example I have is when I take a shower, I have my phone playing a faith-based or mom-based podcast. It’s something that helps me stay connected to Jesus and level-headed throughout the day. It brings me joy. Now, my oldest daughter will also listen to an audiobook or worship music while she showers. See, more is caught than taught. The point here, though, is that remembering what we love, outside of motherhood, and incorporating it into motherhood, it like hacks our brains. It makes us feel like we are, for lack of a better phrase, more than “just” moms. AND it teaches our kids how to be joyful in ALL circumstances. Double win!

Finally, make time for yourself. So many of us feel guilty for wanting to do something alone. Others feel like they have to bring their kids along to absolutely everything, or they run the risk of their kids feeling neglected or something. Both are lies. Jesus himself had to be alone sometimes. Making time for yourself does not have to be “stealing time away” from anyone, and it doesn’t have to be expensive either. Wake up early and read. Take a detox bath when the kids go to bed once a week. Grab coffee or lunch with a friend when your husband can be home with the kids for an hour or two. Join a Bible study that is kid-friendly, a place where you can be with other moms and create community. Once a week or once a month, prioritize time for yourself. I’ve found that in seasons where I don’t do this, I’m not the mom or wife that I could be. We all need space from time to time to decompress. Time to be alone with our thoughts or to talk things out with trusted friends. “Out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks”. When I’m not connected to my First Love, the overflow coming out of my mouth sounds a lot like word vomit. Don’t be like me in those instances; take time for yourself periodically to get away with Jesus, so that the overflow coming out of your mouth is good stuff. 

No, you don’t have to have all the material things or a double life to find your identity in the middle of motherhood. You have been given everything you need to fully occupy your God-given space right where you're at. Sometimes we just need a good reminder to refocus and readjust. You were never, “just”, a mom. 

Xo,

Katie