THE BLOG

Parenting on purpose

5 things that matter.

Vera, my oldest daughter, was upset. What started as a great day turned into a rotten, terrible, no good, very bad attitude. This shift in her attitude was all over not getting to do what she wanted to do. We had to go grocery shopping and she wanted to go to a different store to shop for something more fun than food. She stayed in this grumpy mood for hours. Sitting slumped in the back seat with her arms crossed, glaring at the back of my head she said, “fine! I’m not going in! I’ll just sit here all day!” To which my husband turned to me and said, “oh my gosh, she’s just like you.”

Have you ever had one of those moments as a mom? Good, bad, or ugly, your child does something and you think yep, they got that from me. In this instance, Vera was exhibiting bad mood behavior that had been modeled to her by yours truly. I had a bad habit (ok maybe sometimes I still do) of getting stuck in a bad mood for hours over minor inconveniences. Sometimes it would happen when things didn’t go as planned, when my expectations weren’t met, or when I felt that I had to do everything for everyone including but not limited to; finding the ketchup bottle that was clearly right in front of the offender’s face. (insert eye roll emoji here)

Forgive me if this sounds like something you’ve read from me before, but I think there is so much that we unknowingly or unintentionally teach our kids. Things that have the potential to become hinderances in their spiritual, and emotional growth. So, if we want our kids to carry the best of us with them throughout their life, what are some ways that we can intentionally lead them?

1.        Pray with them, daily.

“Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.” Hebrews 10:23

We do our best to pray with our kids at least two to three times a day. In the morning, I pray a short prayer over them individually, and at bedtime my husband and I pray with them together. We pray at mealtimes as well. We start by modeling how to pray (praying for them) and that evolves into them repeating after us, until they are comfortable praying aloud themselves. Asking your kids what they want to pray for or about gives us a glimpse into what is weighing on their hearts. Our youngest daughter Mercy will ask us to pray for something like her baby dolls one night, and the next night she’ll want to pray for her friends to be nice to her at preschool. Each prayer request, no matter how silly, shows us what kind of things or events are important to them. I can’t count the times that my kids have prayed for something specific, and their prayers were answered. Things like praying to feel better when they’re sick, healing for loved ones, or praying for restful sleep. Each time a prayer is answered in an obvious or not so obvious way, we get to say, “see, God hears us and answers our prayers according to His will.” Sometimes He gives us what we ask for and sometimes he doesn’t, but praying with them daily will always lead them closer to Jesus. it shows them that they can depend on God. Prayer, matters.

2.        Apologize

From the time we can talk and understand right from wrong, apologizing does not come easy. I’m picturing my 2-year-old after he’s hit his sister. She’s crying, he’s got his arms folded and lips pursed. As I continue telling him to say sorry, he continues to shake his head defiantly.

Apologizing takes practice, and it’s better caught when we demonstrate how it’s done. When I get frustrated and lose my cool, or if I say something rude, I need to show my kids humility through apologizing. That looks like pulling my child aside, getting to their level, looking them in the eyes, and meaning it when I say I’m sorry for _________. Have I perfected this? Nope. Am I still learning? Yep! Let’s teach our kids to mean it when they say I’m sorry. Walk them through the emotions they’re feeling from the moment they hurt someone or said something mean, to getting in trouble and feeling remorseful. Teach them that it’s ok to feel angry, upset, and frustrated, but it’s not ok to hurt people because of how we feel. Teach them what love is by leading them to scripture, “love is patient, love is kind. it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 Apologizing to our kids, matters.

3.        Show up.

Whether it’s a sporting event, band concert, special school event, or just sitting down to play with your kids, show up. Be present. Show your children that they matter to you, their interests’ matter. When parents show up for their kids, it instills confidence, reassurance, and safety. By showing up, being present in whatever the activity is, you’re showing your kids that they are special to you, that you love them, and they can rely on you! Celebrate their wins and encourage them when they lose. Whether you want to go or not, be the kind of parent your kids can depend on! Sacrifice your time, lead them to be the kind of person that is solid and dependable.

I’ll tell you this truth for free; your kids will remember if you were in the stands at their sporting events or not. They’ll remember whether or not you were in the auditorium for their 6th grade band concert, or their Christmas play. Showing up, matters.

4.        Take Them to Church.

“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another- and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” Hebrews 10:24-25

Going to church used to be optional in our home. If the week was too busy, if we were tired or had a lot to do, we would skip it and watch church online. Until one day my husband and I decided that we wanted to be disciplined in this area. We wanted to show our kids that congregational worship, meeting together with people that love Jesus like we do, growing in our faith, all of that is SO IMPORTANT! Going to church regularly helps our kids cultivate lasting relationships with kids that love Jesus.           These kinds of friendships help to encourage our kids in their relationship with Jesus. Going to church, matters.

5.        Cultivate Community

“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” Proverbs 27:17

Recently I was at a MomCo. Meeting where the speaker that day shared stories of watching her kids grow up in community. This woman was a stay-at-home mom whose kids are all grown now, and while they were young, she was intentional about cultivating a community in her neighborhood. In fact, she had her husband build her a 12x12 sandbox for all the neighborhood kids to play in while she and the other moms gathered and built relationships with each other. They shared in bible studies, meals, and conversation and the kids all benefited from it too! Hearing her story challenged me. It made me think of all the neighborhood kids that play in our backyard. I thought about their moms, and my friends in the community that are longing for deeper connections and friendships. So, I started a bible study in my home. My heart behind it is to connect other moms to each other and to Gods word. Together, we get to show our kids that there is a community of friends and families that get together to share. We get to cheer each other on, encourage one another, share meals, snacks, and pray together, AND grow in our relationship with the Lord at the same time! I want to lead by example, I want the next generation to be rid of social anxiety, I want to see them unafraid of meeting together with other believers and nonbelievers. I want my kids to see that the village that is helping raise them, is full of the spirit of God, and that we get to share in the joy, and honor that it is to be iron sharpens iron kind of friends. Community, matters.

Whether you’re leading intentionally, or leading accidentally, you’re leading your kids and shaping them into the men and women they will be one day. Let’s decide to parent on purpose, be intentional with how we and what we are teaching them, and lead by example.

Xoxo,

Katie